Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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