what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
