if i can run in heels then i can drive
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
There r osticjed everywhere
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
