You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
