we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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