My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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