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i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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