i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
