You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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