At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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