weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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