Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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