Swine flu. Run for my life!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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