we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
God, I missed his penis.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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