so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
This toilet bowl is my home.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
