College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
