Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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