i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
