my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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