I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Your cock deserves a montage
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
