have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
