Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I have tasted many bathrooms
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
