guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
