i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
