So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
