I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
