a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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