I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize