It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
