And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
