I'm lost and stupid without you.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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