I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
