my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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