6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
