that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
