i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
