btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
