I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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