Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
