He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
