I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
