Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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