I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
