so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
