So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
