I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
