FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
