What did we do last night that was yellow?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
