Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
