I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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