is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
