Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
