i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
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